It is so hard to put yourself first when your kids are only kids for so long, and they NEED you. I hear you. I get it. I’ve been there too.
What if I told you that if you don’t put yourself first NOW, then you are writing your kids off, and condeming them to have to do a tonne of work on self worth once they are adults, if they find the time or inclination to do so?
But how does that work? I hear you ask. Well, it’s quite simple really. I’ll tell you a little story which might help you get it.
We were on holiday, my 3 kids and I, in a small but lovely Airbnb place in Wales. My middle child was sleeping in the living room on the sofabed. I suggested to her that she and her elder sister swap rooms part way through the holiday, so she could have a turn at some privacy, my youngest child was in a room with me. She said a firm NO. I probed a bit more, to find out why. Eventually she texted me her answer:
It was like I’d been kicked in the stomach and stabbed in the heart all at once.
Why was she responding with this? The answer was simple. She had been learning from me how to be a human, and this is the strongest message she had been learning from me throughout her childhood. After working so hard to support my child feeling loved and valued, heard and seen, it seems I had condemned her.
It was clear I had a lot of work to do supporting her unlearning this, but I couldn’t just tell her, I had to show her. With my heart, soul and actions. This meant big changes afoot. I couldn’t continue martyring myself for them any longer. I couldn’t continue making excuses for putting myself last. I couldn’t ignore my needs any more. BECAUSE, I knew that by ignoring myself, I was stopping my kids from learning the most important thing in their lives… That they mattered, simply because I matter.
After this I did make a complete change. I began firmly communicating and putting in place boundaries that supported my choices and needs. AND I developed this program which supports you doing EXACTLY that. Get back in the centre of your world, because YOU matter, even if you don’t believe me right now. Your kids are watching everything you do, and they are learning from you.
What messages do you want them to be learning?
That when they reach adulthood, they might as well just forget about themselves, because they no longer matter?
That the most loving and good thing to do in life is to be self LESS?
That they are the reason that their mum doesn’t have a life of their own?
Let’s not forget how much they will hurt as adults seeing how much you gave up for them, the guilt from that could become insurmountable.
When we forget about ourselves, we are not just forgetting about ourselves, we are unwittingly traumatising our kids and leaving them to flounder as parents themselves, or simply as adults.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT
To be super clear. There is ZERO blame here. You are in this awful situation because of the patriarchy, society and the circumstances we are in today. This is not your fault, but the only way to get beyond this is to take action as soon as humanly possible. As the longer it goes on, the deeper the indoctrination goes, they longer the process of unlearning needs to take place with your kids.
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